


Doomed From the Start

by angel_authoress



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, ZaDr, idk - Freeform, just sort of a look into their relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 18:28:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14407968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_authoress/pseuds/angel_authoress
Summary: A look into Dib and Zim's relationship, how it starts and how it inevitably will end..?





	Doomed From the Start

**Author's Note:**

> this is a little something i wrote for the otp challenge on fanfic amino!
> 
> nothing special, a relationship analysis mostly, but i figured i'd go ahead and post it here too.
> 
> enjoy!

They shouldn't be compatible, not in any way, but just like their interlaced fingers, they fit together in the oddest of ways.

Love was never on either of their minds at first anyways. Dib was too busy for it and Zim didn't even know what "love" was, not really. Love, affection, desire, companionship- all the same thing, all of it meaningless to an Irken. It takes quite a lot before either of them realizes that perhaps they could be friends. Zim's threats never stopped, but as Dib had come to notice, he'd slowly stopped following through with them, until they eventually became meaningless. Dib always kept an eye on him- you can never be too careful. But, people get older and times change- and Dib was no exception.

It happens on a day like any other. Dib sat down alone at lunch as usual, when suddenly there was undoubtedly a presence next to him. Dib abruptly turned and was astonished to find Zim sitting next to him, his tray of food untouched as usual.

_"Zim?"_ he'd asked. _"What are you doing here?"_

_"Silence, Earth-smell."_

He'd never gotten an answer as to why Zim sat next to him that day. But it was the start of something that wasn't quite friendship, but was no longer the bitter, burning hatred they were both so used to.

* * *

Dib wasn't really sure why he asked, it had just sort of... come out.

"Whatever, I'm gonna go to the mall and pick up some supplies. Wanna come along?"

He was expecting Zim to vehemently deny his (unintended) offer, but in a move that surprised them both, Zim nodded his head.

"Zim will accompany the pathetic Dib-beast. I've been needing to do some shopping for Gir- he gets whiny when there's no snacks in the house."

Strange- he figured Zim would do that on his own time.

Needless to say, Zim was nearly impossible to shop with. Annoying, indecisive, and rather socially awkward, even if he didn't realize it and liked to think that he was the master of communication. He had threatened to leave Dib on his own multiple times, but Dib knew that Zim wouldn't risk being stuck in a crowd of humans.

"How do you even pay for all this stuff?" Dib asked, noticing that Zim was carrying a pretty hefty amount of cash around. "You don't have a job."

Zim smirked, fiddling with his wallet (a wallet with an Irken symbol on it. How fitting). "I might have done some hacking."

"You hacked into people's bank accounts?!"

"Mmm, just the neighbors."

Dib couldn't even chastise him. It was wrong and he knew it was wrong, but considering Zim's history, this was probably the most tame thing he'd ever done.

"So, you hack into people's bank accounts just to keep Gir happy?"

"Shut up."

* * *

It's after Dib gets home one night from dropping Zim off that it hits him like a ton of bricks.

He was absolutely furious with the Irken. Zim had gotten him kicked out of the movie theater- and he was really looking forward to the Mothman Documentary. It was only being shown in theaters today. So furious over this stupid movie, in fact, that he started questioning why he ever became "friends" with Zim in the first place.

Stupid Zim. With that stupid fake wig and those contacts and that ugly green head. His obnoxious laugh and the little prideful march he does rather than walking like a normal person. Those giant magenta eyes that Dib found himself constantly lost in. The way he kicked his legs back and forth when he was sitting because he was too short to touch the floor. The way he grumbled under his breath when he was afraid to admit something-

That's when it came to him.

Dib's obsession had stretched beyond that of a scientific one. There was nothing scientific about the way he thought about Zim. For the first time in his life, he had a crush.

Figures it'd end up being an alien.

Zim's realization hadn't been quite that simple. Irkens were not used to the idea of love, at least not romantic love. Any love that Zim might have had for his Tallests was gone now, gone like his loyalty to the Empire when they revealed the truth of his mission. But loyalty is not always so easy to break, even for a defective Irken. Loyalty is one of the most key traits of an Irken. Zim still fights with himself even now.

Zim, of course, started to notice that something was off. He noticed that he was naturally starting to treat the Dib better now that he was taller- although he didn't have much control over that. His society had ingrained the idea of Tallers being superior. It was a natural-born respect for those of a higher height. But there were other, more unforeseen side effects that had come with this newfound "respect". For example, there was the constant uneasiness in his spooch, the racing and weird fluttery feelings. His body seemed to create more heat. His PAK, however, had treated these things as illnesses, and did its best to correct them. And alarmingly enough, Zim almost didn't want it to stop. It was almost as if he... liked the way Dib was making him feel? Even though it hurt?

How could he like something that hurt and confused him more than anything?

The feelings got worse, and it eventually got so bad that not even his PAK could help him. Zim was so jittery and unsure around Dib and he couldn't stand it- this wasn't normal. Why was he acting this way?

Finally, after a couple months, Zim snapped.

"Whatever you're doing to me, STOP!"

Dib merely blinked a few times and stared blankly at him. "Huh?"

"You heard me! Whatever it is you're doing to Zim, stop it!"

"But I'm... not doing anything..?" Dib insisted, mostly confused.

"Yes you are! You're the reason my spooch always feels so funny! You're the reason I can't look at you without feeling nervous- it's all you! Whatever disease you've infected me with- give me the cure!"

"Zim-"

"Do you want Zim to admit defeat? Has this been a battle all along? Have you not made Zim suffer enough?"

"Zim-"

Zim didn't hear him, too caught up in his own rambling, as usual. "You truly are as sadistic as I am, forcing me to admit defeat like a coward after all you've put me through! Every day and night you torment my amazing Zim-head with thoughts of... of you! You and I... doing things! Disgusting mundane human things that Zim shouldn't want but he..." He abruptly trailed off, his words failing him.

"Zim." Dib stepped closer, placing his hands on his shoulders. "This isn't a battle. I didn't do anything to you."

Zim looked up at him, eyes wide and hopeful. "Then... why is Zim feeling like this?"

Dib smiled warmly. "Well, if I had to guess... I'd say it's something akin to love, Zim."

"Love," Zim repeated. "Impossible. Irkens cannot feel love. And even if I could, I certainly wouldn't feel it for you." His expression turned fierce. "You won't make a fool out me, Dib! This is a trick, no?! A battle strategy to make me weak?!"

"No!" Dib gently shook him as if to snap him back into reality. "Quit trying to turn this into a battle! Not everything between us has to be a fight. I would never lie about a relationship, not even to you Zim. Please. Believe me."

"...Why?" he asked hesitantly.

"Because I have no reason to lie anymore."

Zim looked as if he were considering it, considering Dib, before his expression turned cold again. "Even so. I cannot... I can't... love anyone..."

With that, he was gone, retreating back towards his home. Dib wasn't sure if Zim heard, but he called after him. Yelled his name desperately in an attempt to get him to turn around.

Zim never did.

* * *

Zim was gone for a month.

He'd packed up Gir into the Voot and just took off without a word. Dib busied himself with other paranormal cases, but it was never the same- without Zim, the drive simply wasn't there. But one night while driving home he spotted a familiar purple ship cruising through the sky- and that's when he knew. He wasn't gonna let Zim get away with leaving for a month without an explanation.

About a half an hour later, Dib was yet again on Zim's front steps, pounding at the door, mindful of the robot gnomes.

Zim hesitantly pulled the door open. "Dib."

"Zim," Dib said, voice low, "mind explaining to me where you've been? Why you just _left_ for a month?!"

Zim sighed, sidestepping to allow Dib entry. "Why does it matter?"

Dib immediately followed him inside. "It matters cause I was worried, you idiot! It matters cause something could've happened to you while you were in space! God, what were you thinking?!"

Zim merely stared up at him, eyes wide, lips parted slightly, before he finally drew in a breath to speak. "You were worried for Zim?"

Dib sighed, irritated and impatient. "Yes, Zim. I was worried. I CARE. What are you going to do about it?" he challenged, hoping to earn a more spirited reaction from the Irken.

But oddly enough, Zim didn't seem to react to Dib's challenge the way he had hoped he would. "...Zim doesn't know what to do," he finally admitted. "I left to go find myself. I thought it was this planet giving me strange feelings. But it wasn't that, because even while I was gone, all I could think of was you. And then I thought that if you were the source of these unpleasant feelings... I should get rid of you. But at the thought of anything happening to you... my spooch feels tight and it's as if Zim can't breathe..." He tightly clutched his chest. "Zim will admit defeat if that is what the Dib beast wants. Feelings, the constant fluctuations... I can't take this anymore! Why are you all I think about?! Why does it hurt so much to be away from you?! Why is it that every time I think about killing you it makes me..."

That was when Dib realized.

Being in love was hurting Zim, as it was never meant to happen.

Dib sunk down to his knees and pulled Zim into his arms, tears streaming freely down his cheeks. "It's okay, Zim. It's okay. I know it hurts."

"Z-Zim doesn't understand." Zim struggled in his arms. "Why are you holding me?! Get off! You're making it worse! This feeling-"

Dib refused to let go, tightening his hold. "It's okay to feel, Zim. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

"Dib, you can't just-!"

"I know, spaceboy. You were never allowed to explore how you feel back on Irk, were you? It's alright. You're here on Earth. Feelings don't always have to be bad Zim. What you're feeling now, the way you feel for me... that's called liking someone. And the pain you feel now... I want to heal it, Zim. Because... as crazy and weird as it is, I like you too."

That was the first time Dib had ever seen Zim cry.

"All Zim wants... is for the Dib to stay."

Dib merely nodded, and didn't say anything more.

* * *

It took Zim a while to get adapted to their... ahem, new relationship. Physical contact was limited. Zim didn't really understand when Dib tried to hold his hand or hug him. Nonetheless he allowed it, even if it was slightly awkward. He couldn't deny that he liked the way their hands fit together.

Eventually Zim grew comfortable enough to reciprocate, and after about a month, the two started sleeping in the same bed whenever Zim would stay over. (Not that Zim needed sleep, but it gave him something to do while Dib got his sleep)

Dib thought about proposing the idea of getting a place together, but ultimately decided against it. Zim would never leave the comfort of his base. Like it or not, that was going to be Dib's future home. Zim, Gir, Minimoose, and his base were a package deal.

Dib wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

Their first kiss happened at Zim's base. They're sitting on the couch, watching some stupid horror movie. Zim was practically laying on Dib, his head propped against his shoulder, antennae brushing his chin and cheek. Dib thought his antennae were rather cute, and wasn't shy about teasing him for it. Dib had asked to touch them once, but Zim had refused, stating that it was a rather intimate act that he wasn't sure he could handle at this point.

When the movie finally came to an end Zim abruptly sat up, blushing slightly.

"Zim," Dib said with a chuckle. "You didn't have to get up just cause the movie's over."

"I know that!" Zim insisted with a huff. "I just... felt like it."

Dib chuckled. "C'mere."

"Why?"

"I wanna be near you."

Sighing, Zim scooted himself closer, allowing their hips to touch. Dib looked over at him, watching the flicker of the TV cast a white glow over his face, accentuating his already prominently stark features. The commercial danced in Zim's eyes and Dib found himself utterly mesmerized by the exotic person before him.

"Gorgeous," Dib blurted.

Zim's antennae twitched. "Huh?" he asked, turning to look at Dib.

'Guess I can't deny it now,' he thought. "You. I think you're gorgeous."

"...Oh." Zim muttered finally. "You think Zim is..."

"Yes."

Zim averted his intense stare. "Of course I am. You fool."

Dib couldn't hold back a smile.

"...No one has ever looked at me like that, you know."

"Like what?"

"You look at Zim like he is all that matters."

"Well, you do matter. To me. A lot."

"I see... no one has ever... looked upon Zim with such..."

He still was not used to being genuinely loved, and that broke Dib's heart.

"Zim," he said, "can I kiss you?"

Zim had seen it before, in the media and even in public between couples. It had always disgusted him. "Kiss me? You mean that filthy act where the humans put their mouths together?! Zim will partake in no such thing!"

"We don't have to." Dib threw his hands up defensively. "But it'd be nice. It's not as bad as you think, Zim. Come on. At least try?"

Zim frowned, hesitantly turning to face him. "Fine."

Now that Zim was facing him, Dib was suddenly ten times more nervous. Zim was clearly anxious as well, averting his stare and fidgeting with the hem of his uniform. God, why did he have to be so cute? Why did he have to find an alien so attractive?

_Focus, Dib._

He closed his eyes, slowly leaning in.

"Wait."

He sighed. "What is it?"

"Zim doesn't know how to... kiss."

"Dude, just shut up and come here."

Dib was no expert by any means, but Zim was even less knowledgeable on the subject as an alien, making _him_ more qualified to be taking the lead. The slow approach would just make things more awkward. The best thing to do would be to just go for it, right? Besides, Zim was impatient anyway and-

Before he could so much as move, Zim's arms wrapped around his neck, pulling his head down so that they were face to face. Startled, Dib met Zim's intense gaze. "Zim?! W-What are you-mmph!"

Their "kiss", if one could even call it that, lasted a grand total of three seconds. Dib almost couldn't feel it. Zim was surprisingly gentle. He had always pictured Zim as being a demanding, intense person, and had sort of hoped that perhaps he'd be that way as a... well... lover.

That even sounded weird _in his head._

Zim pulled away and yet again averted his eyes. Eye contact seemed to scare him. "You were taking too long."

Dib blinked as he slowly came back to reality. "Uh... yeah... sorry."

He would never admit out-loud that in this instance, he found Zim's impatience and apparent eagerness rather attractive.

"Was that... right?"

"Well, you're supposed to move a little more, but yeah. That's the general idea."

"Mm." Zim hummed in thought. "Then I suppose I'll have to try again."

Dib gulped, anxious yet excited at the same time. "Uh. Yeah. I suppose you will."

Perhaps Zim was the one teaching him after all.

* * *

Their relationship had its ups and its downs, as many relationships do. Of course, they weren't exactly traditional arguments, what with Zim being from an entirely different species.

They fought about everything, from who had control of the TV, to the public displays of affection (Zim wasn't exactly comfortable with others knowing that he had taken a human as a mate. Even though, as Dib had pointed out, he was ON a planet full of humans) Nevertheless, they found their way back to each other, no matter how many times they told each other to go away and never come back. They almost did a few times.

Their relationship wasn't exclusive to Earth either. They both grew bored often, and Zim _did_ have a ship. Sometimes they'd spend months at a time in space, exploring planets or simply cruising. Dib loved every second of it. It was nothing new to Zim, but to him, it was worth it every time to see the look on Dib's face.

But other times, they stuck to the mundane as well, and the mundane included frozen yogurt dates. Zim couldn't stomach the stuff, but he would accompany the Dib nonetheless.

"Would you two like anything else?" the woman behind the counter asked.

"Nah, just this," Dib replied as he pulled out his wallet.

"Ah, I just have to say, you two make an adorable couple," the woman told him with a cheery smile. Dib had turned three different shades of red while Zim merely stared blankly at her, confused.

After he paid the two returned to Dib's car, Zim staring at him with an odd expression. "What did the frozen yogurt slave mean?"

Dib nearly choked on his yogurt and and paused. "She uh... said we were a cute couple."

"Couple? As in... a... romantic couple?"

"Yes. That's... what we are, right?"

"...Ah. I... suppose we are."

Dib eyed him warily, setting his cup of yogurt down on the dash. "You know, if having a label bothers you, we don't have to call each other like... 'boyfriend' or anything like that. We can just be... you know. Ourselves. Our relationship doesn't have to have a label."

"Yes, but I don't want other filthy humans getting the idea that the Dib-beast is for them! You are Zim's! No one else's!" Zim exclaimed, a protective tone to his voice.

Dib couldn't help but giggle. "I don't think that would happen, but are you by any chance jealous?"

"Jealous? Zim? Please." Zim scoffed. "I'm amazing, and the Dib has wisely chosen me as his mate. I do not NEED to be jealous."

"Right, well, don't worry. I'm off the market, promise." He placed a comforting hand on his shoulder before returning to his yogurt.

"There's a market?"

"No Zim, it's a... nevermind."

* * *

 

"Hey Zim, do you ever think about kids?"

"What?"

"Yeah, me neither."

* * *

 

The topic of kids comes up once more.

"Zim."

"Mm?"

"I know it's not possible for us to have kids naturally, but... uh... what do you think about adoption?"

"Adopting a human smeet? Have you the brain worms?!"

"It doesn't have to be human!"

"The answer is _no_."

As Dib realized later, that was probably for the best. As much as he loved Zim he was not parent material, and with Dib's messed up childhood, he really didn't have any idea on how to raise a kid properly. Membrane wasn't exactly a grade A father.

* * *

When Dib got his first grey hair, Zim was confused to say the least.

"What's happening to you, Dib?"

"I'm getting older, Zim. This is what happens to humans when they get older."

Zim examined the stray gray hairs in Dib's thick mop of dark hair. "But you haven't even hit a hundred yet! Two hundred! What is with you, human?! Zim is barely two hundred and-"

"Zim, humans don't get to the hundreds usually. Humans are lucky if they even hit a hundred."

A cold reality came crashing into Zim in that moment. "Then that means... your life is almost half over..."

"Zim-"

"No!" Zim slammed his fists onto the couch. "Unacceptable! You're not allowed to die! Not before Zim!"

Dib reached out and grabbed his wrists. "Zim! Hey, relax. It's okay. It's okay."

Zim shook his head. "It's not okay! Why didn't you tell me from the start?! If you had then I never would have..."

That was the second time Dib ever saw Zim cry.

Dib's hand slid up to his cheek. "What? Never would've loved me? Well too bad Zim. I love you regardless. I know I'm going to die before you. I've accepted that. But I'm gonna get to spend my whole life with you. Every year until-"

"Until what? Until you leave Zim alone again?!" Zim shook his head. "No Dib, you fail to understand. If you leave Zim alone then..."

"Then what?"

"...I don't know what I'll do! Dib-thing, do you know what has kept me sane all these years? YOU. If I lose you... I'm afraid I'll become... something akin to a 'monster'."

"Zim..." Dib smiled warmly, just as lovingly as the night he'd first confessed his feelings. "No you won't. I know you. There's good in you. Even when I'm gone, I know you'll be okay. You're the almighty Zim, remember?"

Zim placed a gloved hand atop Dib's. It felt bigger than it used to. "The almighty Zim that has fallen so far from his original self. Look at me now. An Irken invader soiling himself with a human."

"Mm." Dib leaned in, smile never fading. "You don't seem to mind too much."

"I don't. That's the scary part." Zim's hand left his and instead moved to his cheek. Upon close examination, he found that Dib really was starting to suffer from the symptoms of getting older. There was a hint of crow's feet around each eye, and his hairline was ever so slightly receding. Regardless, he was still just as mesmerizing.

"I don't know what the future holds, Zim," Dib told him, "but we'll face it. Together. You and me against the world, right?"

Zim smiled back. "Right."

Dib and Zim against the world, until he inevitably left him alone again. He couldn't be alone. Not now that he finally had a taste of what it meant to have someone to call a friend.

Zim would find a way. There's no way that Dib has accepted this fate. Zim knew he certainly wouldn't.

Besides, he was Irken after all, and Irkens always got what they wanted.

Right now, and for the rest of his life, he wanted Dib.


End file.
